“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always.”
Today, as I was hanging up my eight year old’s clothes in her closet something happened that I have been dreading. Almost all of her shirts fell off of the little baby hangers. The baby hangers are now sitting in a box in the garage. So many baby hangers. Hangers that have been through eight years of baby girl clothes. After Mackenzie’s clothes became too big for them I knew I still had Brynna to use them and to still be “the baby” that needed the hangers. Some have Sharpie marker on them in little toddler handwriting, some are even covered in stickers, because little girls just love putting stickers on everything. Goodbye friends. I’ll miss you.
No more babies
After I had Brynna we pretty much knew we were finished having kids. My pregnancies were far from easy. I had so many complications in the months and years after she was born it was pretty much a given that we wouldn’t have anymore kids. Our family is complete, we’ll always be a family of four…well six if you count the four-legged babies. And I am okay with that, I have no other choice, right?
There will always be a part of me that will think about having another. There will always be a part of me that just feels like that part of me is empty, and well in reality it is. As friends and family have babies a part of me will always feel empty when I hold a newborn baby. As I watched my sister bring my beautiful niece into this world I was filled with just a touch of jealousy. I am so very happy for her and I love that beautiful baby as much as my own, but that’s just it she’s not my own.
I am a mom of two. And I am okay with that. They make me happier, and crazier than anyone else in this world. They are smart, funny, beautiful, challenging, and stubborn. But, I am thankful everyday that I am a mom of two. As I look at my third-grader and fifth-grader I realize that even though I may have a bittersweet feeling about no more babies. I am so very grateful for sleeping in on the weekends, not getting up for 3am feedings, never having to buy another diaper or deal with the terrible twos ever again. I love watching them grow into beautiful young ladies.
As I set the box of baby hangers out with the trash tonight, I will remember that even though I loved having my house filled with babies, this next stage of parenting isn’t all that bad.
“As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”