Nine surgeries. 12 years of marriage. That is a lot for any marriage to deal with. Let alone a marriage with two young children. Many of you don’t know this but I have recently just had my 9th abdominal surgery. I have wanted to sit down and write about my surgeries for a while now. For myself, I always find so much healing from putting things into words. It hasn’t been until today that I have felt motivated or well enough to do so.

The reason I decided to share my surgery experiences now is because maybe, hopefully it will help someone out there who’s going through something similar. At this point, I’m still in bed pretty much the whole day & very weak. My stomach is still SOOOO SWOLLEN & half of it is completely numb, I’m sleeping little to none & straight up. Laying down is the worst. I’m very uncomfortable— all to be expected after this procedure.

I would usually choose the couch as my recovery spot but with a new Great Dane in the house who has no idea his size, the couch isn’t an option. So while I lay in bed resting, in between watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix and sleeping I decided to finally put this all out there.

This recovery has reminded me of my c-section recovery, just not as intense. Maybe it’s my age, the older I get the worse the recovery has been. My first surgery was a c-section in 2007, then again in 2009. After that it was steady surgery after surgery. Hernia repairs, abdominal reconstructions, ovary removal, complete Hysterectomy, Appendectomy and the latest was my Cholecystectomy. My abdomen is covered in mesh to prevent hernias, I can’t do any strenuous activities, ever. Its a constant battle believe me.

My husband has to be exhausted. He came upstairs yesterday as I was laying in bed in pain and he looked at me and said “this is how I have seen you for most of our marriage” He wasn’t wrong. He had to feel stressed, being pulled in so many different directions. Work, kids, and trying to be there for me. And yet he never complained.

The love that I have for my husband is strong.  It is amazing that 12 years later I am even more deeply in love with my husband than even the day we married. It takes a wonderful man to hold your hand and nurse you back to health 9 times.

And do you know what I realized?

Most of the time, marriage is anything but 50/50. In fact during the last 9 years it’s been anything but. Marriage is hard, no matter which way you slice it. Slice, surgery get it? Haha ok maybe too many pain meds are making me sound silly.

Another reason I’m finally sharing my story is because life is not always rainbows. This has been a really traumatic experience, I’m sure you’re thinking “really it’s just gallbladder surgery” yeah but when it’s the ninth time you’ve been told you need surgery it scares the crap out of you. Especially when you were told you lost way too much blood and can’t go back to work for at least 4-6 weeks. I’m trying to stay positive and remind myself everything happens for a reason.

I’m home now and into a steady recovery, but the battle has been as much a mental as a physical one. Thanks to my amazing friends & family who have checked in on me everyday. My wonderful daughters who most days make me crazy but when they know mama is sick they really are awesome and step up. And of course my husband who has been there through it all.

Ok so now I’m off to watch more Grey’s.From bed, with love, Jamie