Sadly this is my reality most days. Hiding in my bedroom alone. I want to be real and finally share something with you.
Hysterectomy At 29
For those who don’t know, 5 years ago I had a total hysterectomy at 29 right before I turned 30. Afterwards, I was prescribed a “one size fits all” hormone therapy such as Premarin which is derived from the urine of pregnant mares. While it may work for some women, it comes with serious side effects and doesn’t seem to work for all women. After reading a lot of the negative side effects I stopped it about 2 years ago. Well needless to say the last 2 years have been a struggle. I’d have good days but there have been way more bad than good.
I tried to shrug it off but within the last few months, it’s gotten where I can’t live with myself, and my poor family. I just don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve gained weight, I have no energy for anything. I can’t concentrate on any normal daily activity, cleaning and cooking seem like work to me. I can barely get off the couch some days. I hide in the bathroom to cry. I’m just tired. I am failing as a mother, a wife, a friend, and everything in between. I’m truly unlovable.
One of my friends suggested maybe my hormone levels were off and it’s like a switch went off in my head. I started researching and found a Dr that specializes in HRT. I finally gave in and went to see him last week.
All the symptoms he described were spot on. Hot flashes, depression, weight gain, low energy, dry skin, low libido, mood swings (check that one fo sho)….and many others. Basically, every day feels like I am drugged, I am extremely exhausted. I struggle to get things done around the house, have to force myself to do laundry and clean. My patience is nonexistent and alsooo libido. I can’t even explain it. I truly thought this is how I was going to feel for the rest of my life. I am unhappy, unloving, and feel incapable of changing it.
Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy
I was convinced that for me there weren’t any answers. After getting blood work and determining all my hormone levels were pretty much zero I am starting on BioIdentical Hormone Replacement Therapy. BioIdentical Therapy is often called “natural hormone therapy” because bioidentical hormones act in the body just like the hormones we produce.
I have never been more excited. It’s going to be a process to get the levels where they are supposed to be but I finally have hope for the future.
You Are Not Alone
Remember you are not alone in the moments of pain. The physical implications of depression and hormone imbalance are so real. And every time you curl up that bed or hide in that bathroom thinking you just can’t do another day, I promise you another mom is feeling the exact same way.
The bottom line: Don’t be afraid to talk to your Dr. and figure it out. Dealing with this as a mother can mean days of weighted down hopelessness, insecurity, and feelings of being unloved or unlovable. But remember, mama, you are neither of those things. And you are never, ever alone.
If you’re struggling with depression, know you can always get help. Call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone today.